Wedded to convention, unable to see their own bigotry, small.

The writer who can’t distinguish truth from a peanut-butter sandwich can never write good fiction. What he affirms we deny, throwing away his book in indignation; or if he affirms nothing, not even our oneness in sad or comic helplessness, and insists that he’s perfectly right to do so, we confute him by closing his books. (John Gardner, The Art of Fiction)

She waited forever.

She waited, holding her breath, closing her eyes, and melting against the tree trunk, while the first man searched the bank near her hiding place. She could hear his rough muttering and smell his sweat. When she was sure he was gone she finally took a shallow breath, frozen in position and not daring to move.

She was still waiting, eyes closed, when the man and woman approached. “. . . donkey turd,” the woman said with disgust. “Probably walked right by the kid.” They searched more carefully than the first man; Jazlin could hear underbrush snapping and the whish of lifted branches. In front of the tree shielding Jazlin they paused, and Jazlin sensed the darkness of their presence. She felt her heartbeat slow to match the rhythm of her protecting tree. A long flat sharp blade sluggishly pierced the overhanging branches, wiping the trunk and nicking Jazlin’s arm. “Nothing there,” the man said, his voice now dragging. Jazlin heard the strangers poke lazily through other trees as they ambled away.

She continued to wait long after the strangers had left and the squirrels and doves returned. She sat, back to tree, and silently thanked the Kenirnal just like Daddy had taught her, thanked the Kenirnal first for life, then for hope, and finally for love. She named all ten Kenflati, in order, and thanked them for their protection. And she begged them to send Daddy back to her. At intervals she slept. One time she woke, ashamed that she’d soiled her pants like a toddler.

She waited, huddled against the tree, through two nights. Her stomach ached from its constant grumblings, and her parched mouth was teased by the rippling of the stream just out of her reach. Stay here, Daddy had commanded. Daddy’s never coming back, she thought. Hot tears scalded her face and splashed onto her tunic. Daddy’s gone. She sobbed and wailed her despair, crying for Daddy and home and food and water.

When her tears had subsided to bone-shaking sniffles, she crawled stiffly from the sheltering branches.

There is a doom upon you, but of what sort I know not.

Completely unrelated: When my daughter was younger and I tried to share my copious experience in an effort to stop her from making the same butthead mistakes I did, she didn’t exactly cover her ears. What she did, instead, was declaim loudly, “Doomed! I’m doomed!”

“Silence, traitor! Death is your doom now.”

And this one:

“I have a doom laid on me, a doom that concerns us all, and I seek your help.”

That door’s not staying open when it’s dark outside any more. It’s not just the neighborhood cats freeloading off us, after all.

All in one Microsoft Word file. And this doesn’t count the document fonts I did have installed. I am continually amazed.

Sometimes text does get repeated unintentionally. One of my characters says, “You must trust me as I have trusted you.” I wrote this a couple of years ago. Wouldn’t you know it, I read The Tombs of Atuan, and that darn Le Guin woman wrote something almost exactly the same. I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe she wrote it by accident. Great minds, so on.

I considered changing the text in my story, but that character would say that in just those words. Fukafukafuka. For later worry.

Well, no wonder. The writing was overloaded with repetition — pages and pages of the same phrases used over and over. I thought, well, this is a multiple viewpoint story. Maybe it’s just this one character’s voice.

For the heck of it I read paragraph by paragraph through three consecutive chapters that had different POVs. Gee whomping whillikers. After analyzing those chapters, even skillful use of repetition makes me wince.

For your reading pleasure, here are the relevant chapter bits:

Chapter n, POV Alpha

[no nits in first 3 ¶]

… He knew that … He knew that …

[1 ¶ without nits]

… He might have … He might have …

… Let [her] be … Let her … Let her …

[1 ¶]

He knew that he was … He knew that he was … He knew that he must …

But must he … Must he … Would he not serve [them] better … would he not serve them better if …

[5 ¶]

… the smell of [something] reminded him of [thing]. The [thing] of … The [thing] of … The [thing] of …

[1 ¶]

… It couldn’t hurt to … Couldn’t hurt at all.

[2 ¶]

… that did not even count [those] who had labored … who had struggled …

[2 ¶]

All but eight of [them] had been … All but eight worked …

… He could remember [other] times. Times when [it] had not needed to …, had not needed to … Times when it did not need to …

[4 ¶]

… [they] would not … Not now. Not when …

[1 ¶]

… She had no right to … She had no right to … Not if she … Not if she …

[7 ¶]

… At least she knew … At least she was prepared …

[1 ¶]

… She must be aware that … She must know that … She must know that …

[1 ¶]

… [He] remembered … He remembered …

[17 ¶]

Of course there was … Of course he had …

[2 ¶]

… [He] saw more. He saw … He saw … He saw …

[4 ¶]

… What else had changed … What other rules must he …

… Why give her … Why recognize any …

[1 ¶]

Nothing was said. No words were exchanged. …

[1 ¶]

… she did desire to submit to him, to submit to the …

[1 ¶]

… they were pleased that … they would be more pleased before … They would be more impressed when …

[1 ¶]

Argument. She was always arguing. She was always … you can know that? You can know …

[1 ¶]

Pretty words … Pretty words … [He] did not like … He did not like …

[11 ¶]

[It] had forfeited that right when it destroyed … when it ordered …

Patience … Patience was all that he required. … Eventually he would return … Eventually he would be back …

… only a [short time] had passed, despite the [thing] of [something], despite the [thing] of [something] … you shall stay with [her], stay with [them] … you shall report to [place]. You shall report to [her] …

[2 ¶]

He saw … He watched … She knew what … She knew how …

… [She], who had given her life … who had struggled …

[3 ¶]

… That he could not do. Not yet. Not publicly. …

… [she] thought the … She thought that …

[1 ¶]

… disclaiming any certainty, any knowledge, any belief …

[5 ¶]

[He] saw the instant that … He saw the way … the way that …

… as if she were once again the … once again the …

[7 ¶]

… He wanted her to … he wanted her to … She had accepted … She had opened …

… You shall not correspond … You shall not send him any letter …

[3 ¶]

… Do you think … Do you think …

[1 ¶]

Bargaining. Always bargaining. … One letter. One sheet …

[6 ¶]

… I am the … I am the … I am the one who … I am the one who … I am the …

He saw … He saw that she wanted to … She wanted to … She wanted to … She wanted to …

… She must yield … She must understand …

[3 ¶]

He met her eyes, the [color] eyes that … Those eyes had witnessed … They had witnessed … They had witnessed … They had witnessed …

… only from today forward. Only in … Only in …

[1 ¶]

… [He] must accept … He must welcome … wanting her gone, wanting her destroyed, wanting her utterly ruined …

[1 ¶]

… for all that she had done, for all that she had …

[1 ¶]

… [He] saw them … He saw them … both were worried … Both resented … Both recognized …

… Welcome … Welcome …

[end of chapter]

Chapter n+1, POV Beta

[1 ¶]

… She had done it. She had … Despite a [person], … despite a [different person], despite a [third person], she had …

… he had … He had … He had … He had … He had

… [They] had tried to … They had tried to … tried not to …

But how … How many times … How many times … And how many times …

… She did not care … She did not care …

[2 ¶]

… They remained … They remained …

[1 ¶]

… He understood. He appreciated her. He knew …

[2 ¶]

… She did not want to … She did not want to …

No one … No one … Thousands of [people] … thousands of [different word for same people] …

[6 ¶]

… with power. The power of the … The power of the …

… [She] wanted to … she wanted to …

[about 20 more pages; not nitpicked]

Chapter n+2, POV Gamma

[5 ¶]

… She could not remember how long she had … how long she had …

[11 ¶]

… Why are you … Why are you …

[5 ¶]

“I don’t like to see you … I don’t like to see you …

[11 ¶]

… He could at least … forbidden to touch him, forbidden by … [he] could at least …

[10 ¶]

… she knew that he wanted to … he wanted to …

This was the … This was the … Even if she were … Even if she were … Even if she were …

[5 ¶]

… She wanted … She wanted …

[5 ¶]

She knew that he did not have to … He did not need to … He did not need to …

[about 20 more pages; not nitpicked]