Still keeping America in business (and China, too), but this time with two legs. Just wait till I get my stimulus check!

It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to go out and spend money. I could have lived with inhaling the toxic fumes emitted every wash cycle after a certain person loaded the dishwasher so sloppily that a lid melted on a heating element, but I considered it my civic duty to bolster the American economy with my dollars.

Likewise with that old broken trash compacter; it had made a perfectly good drawer for our kitchen garbage for the last fifteen years, but my cash pumping through the marketplace will support five thousand needy families (or at least look good next to the new dishwasher.)

February 22, 2008

Recycle. This message is brought to you courtesy of the City of Sacramento, Department of Public Works.

• Parents plan to use their dead son’s sperm to have a woman inseminated.
• A 66-year-old woman, artificially inseminated, gives birth. According to the article I read, after her mother died she was lonely and decided to have a child.

It seems like there are much better ways of dealing with grief.