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From an anonymous book, chapter 1, paragraph 3:

I spread my arms wide and leaned into the oncoming mass, blowing a whistle that was more noisome than effective.

(The protag is a police officer assigned to riot control.)

Heh heh. Let’s try that again:

I spread my arms wide and leaned into the oncoming mass, blowing a whistle that was more malodorous than effective.

Per Merriam-Webster’s 11th Collegiate Dictionary:
noisome
1 : NOXIOUS, HARMFUL
2 a : offensive to the senses and especially to the sense of smell noisome garbage b : highly obnoxious or objectionable noisome habits
synonyms see MALODOROUS

Or your first, at least, isn’t.

I finished the first draft of a major chapter, one that tied up a situation that had been brewing since the middle of the first book (this is the middle book). Reboot. Start over.

Those of you who are first readers, I strongly suggest you do not, after reading draft work and providing little or no positive comment, say, “That was well-written!” when the above-referenced writer reads you a fight scene from a mediocre published book (especially when the fighters, who could have been quite reasonably presumed to be dead, are magically healed in the next chapter).

You may go “Wow!” if China Miéville wrote the scene. His dead remain dead. If they do come back, you will probably wish they hadn’t.

Edited so the first sentence makes sense. (It had read “Or your first, at least.”)

Getting a crit from someone who dislikes your story from the get-go is a horrible experience. (I’ve given some bad crits, too, but this post is all about me, me, me.)

After receiving a negative crit, it can be a pleasure to drive along a road with lots of roadkill and mentally swap one critter for another. Another solace is to imagine how those pesky vermin would crit Gene Wolfe. I don’t have to write in Wolfe’s tier to find the exercise curiously refreshing.

Crit: On Blue’s Waters by Gene Wolfe

Hi, Gene –

I just enjoyed reading the first chapter of your story. There were a few places where I got confused, most of them noted later in detailed comments. Continue reading “Critique remedy”

I was having a heck of a time reading this one book. The story was sort of interesting, but it dragged and dragged and dragged and dragged…

Well, no wonder. The writing was overloaded with repetition — pages and pages of the same phrases used over and over. I thought, well, this is a multiple viewpoint story. Maybe it’s just this one character’s voice.

For the heck of it I read paragraph by paragraph through three consecutive chapters that had different POVs. Gee whomping whillikers. After analyzing those chapters, even skillful use of repetition makes me wince.

For your reading pleasure, here are the relevant chapter bits: Continue reading “Anaphora excess”

I missed reading the The Sword of Shannara when it first came out nearly 30 years ago, so when I saw it on the library shelf I had to pick it up.

Thirty years ago I would have enjoyed the book a lot more. It does have some fun bits, especially the parts where it’s more like a RPG than a takeoff of Lord of the Rings, as in these sections: Continue reading “Sword of Shannara”